“Are you an egg or a potato?”

Our guest speaker asks us this during English service and I have to stifle my giggle. I don’t understand the question until she elaborates; “What do eggs do when they are put into boiling water?”

They harden.

What do potatoes do? They soften. 

I happened to read over some of my past blog posts in January. I read them and wondered. Was I really that close to the Lord? That I could hear His voice? That I could feel His touch? What happened? Why can I no longer hear Him? 

Perhaps, I am no longer listening.

So, in a slightly frustrated and bemused manner, I inquire of the Lord. “What happened, Father?”

[I miss you]

I thought my suffering was over but clearly the Lord has other plans. He allows another onslaught of emotional suffering to come upon me and I know immediately that the appropriate response is to go to Him. Not to Kristin or Vivian or anybody else. Not to sleep, Facebook, tumblr, etc. 

“Come to me,” He says.

Here I am, Father.

The broken, sinful part of me wails in front of the Father and demands Him to stop. 

Just stop it. Make it stop, please, please

The part that knows that He is good, that Christ is powerful yet merciful, asks Him to keep going. 

Do not take this away from me until you are done your work in me. Do not take this away from me until I am transformed. Do not take this away from me until you have taught me everything I need to learn.

Your will be done.

Your will be done. 

In the pit of fire, do you harden or soften? Do you blame the one who has brought you suffering or do you thank Him and wait patiently for His work to be done through you? Do you let Him use you?

“How are you possibly going to use me in the state I’m in, Lord? I am utterly broken.”

[Excuses, excuses]

When Jesus was broken and slain on the cross, He achieved salvation for all mankind. 

God uses broken things. It takes broken soil to produce a crop, broken clouds to give rain, broken grain to give bread, broken bread to give strength. It is the broken alabaster box that gives forth perfume. It is Peter, weeping bitterly, who returns to greater power than ever.

[quote by Vance Havner]

God can definitely use me as I am, in all my brokenness and uselessness; it is just a matter of am I willing?

Father, if I am not broken enough to be used, break me more. Until my broken and contrite heart is pleasing to you, do not take away my suffering. Until I learn to want only You, do not give me anything else. Take everything. 

Jesus is worth it. He is definitely worth it.