I am not satisfied with my relationship with Jesus. I want more of Him and less of everything else. 


I am so focused on doing the right thing that I forget most of the time why I’m doing it. I lose sight of Jesus; I think of myself. I realize I don’t want to be righteous for the sake of His name. I don’t go around saying, “I want to do the right thing,” because I want to honor God; I do it to set myself up on the pedestal. I want to be righteous over all of you. I want to be declared righteous. Yet, who is my righteousness? Who makes me righteous? 

Jesus. I am stealing His glory. 

Even if I am doing everything right, I’m doing it wrong. Where is the love behind it? Where is my sacrifice for Jesus? 


“Get over yourself,” I want to tell them. I am being a hypocrite; I can’t look past my own needs and feelings to realize that I am not alone in my suffering.

Everybody hurts. You are not the only one in pain. Do you remember what Jesus did as He bled on the cross? He prayed for us. 

Get over yourself and go out and help them. Stop moping. Stop complaining, Becca. You are more than blessed. 


When I walk into the darkened, crowded room of people watching a horror movie, I have to squint to make out the outlines of people. Somehow, one of them recognizes me  with the only lighting coming from the TV screen and they call my name. Suddenly, the room is alive with choruses of “Beccaaa,” as they turn their attention from the movie and greet me. A figure on the ground behind the couch reaches out its arms to me and I know that it wants a hug; problem is I have no idea who it is but I lean in anyway. On closer inspection, I realize it is Julian and I almost fall over in shock.

Perhaps we are friends after all.

Perhaps I am much more loved than I dared to believe. [But of course, Jesus loves me more than I can comprehend. But, He loves me so wholesomely that He’ll even grant me the love of an abundance of friends] 


How long is it going to take before it stops hurting? 

I want the Lord to answer but I have a feeling that it is not one I will like. 

So, I guess the real question would be: “Is Jesus enough for me if it never does?” 


Jesus is enough for me. I wonder whether I believe it; if I believed it, my life should have something to show for it, right?

Do I live like it?

Jesus is enough for me. Jesus is enough for me. Jesus is enough for me. 

That is my prayer.