teedbits; pockets of sunshine on a cloudy, windy day

(Were there any? Not literally but certainly figuratively)

[unashamed] I know I’m weak, I know I’m unworthy. It’s fascinating to me how God seems to regularly schedule my breakdowns right before church. The beginning is hard; worship is painful but healing at the same time. The words remind me there is a reason to sing. The sermon is always relevant. The fellowship and bible study after is invigorating, fascinating, and eye opening. I have learned many things today.

[strong] I asked the Lord to not let my tiredness show, to not let my weariness affect others. I think I tried hard to hide it; I think I did well. I think it was okay to hide it because if I hadn’t, I would have sought comfort from them instead of You.

[iphone] I show my dad my profile picture; there’s really nothing to say except to browse through Facebook and show him what I’ve been up to lately. He asks me to send him the picture and I do a double take. He then proceeds to show me two pictures of himself and asks my advice on which should be chosen for his LinkedIn profile. Afterwards, he filters the picture I pick on his phone before showing it proudly to momma. 

[brother] Jonathan opens up unexpectedly; I almost miss what he’s saying mistakening it for a story about his friend. But, he reveals some part of himself to us; I feel my heart begin to shake. Part of me is deeply sad for him; the other part fears for him; a minuscule part still manages to praise God for the story He has wrote him. I am starting to feel like a sister; he is nothing like my own brother but I want to protect him. 

[Kristin] comes home and I am suddenly excited to go back. (Someone waits for me) she brings me back goodies from Chinatown. She opens up to me, also unexpectedly, and I leap into the conversation. She tells me about her God moment and I immediately have no doubt that God loves her dearly; to reveal Himself to her. I wish He would do the same for me. She waits for me to come into our room before she prepares to sleep so we can have our nightly conversation before bed. She tells me she changed my name in her contacts list. She does many things; I realize I am happy.

[leaf] I purchased a ring today; I’m hoping I don’t lose it anytime soon. That it will serve as a reminder to me; how God brought life in the wintertime; how God continuously breathed life into me when the world attempted to suck me dry. 

[suffering] happy troubles, Charles Spurgeon deemed them. I prayed for more suffering; certainly God is delivering. It’s strange. I think at this point I can honestly say that these days are full of happy troubles. I am suffering. I am breaking. Some days I am very close to giving up. But, I revel in it. I am not joyful despite suffering; I am joyful because of it.

Where was Jesus in all of this? I can’t really pinpoint Him; I could if you really asked me to.

He was everywhere. 

Thank You, Jesus. Thank You, Father.