teedbits because God’s grace and mercy demands to be shared
[everything] You are everything I ever needed and I pray You will be everything I ever want.
[white] I sincerely hope there is snow in heaven. Isaiah 1:18.
[Polaris] he makes me smile. Thinking about him makes me smile. Writing to him makes me smile. The voice in my head whispers “I love you,” but my heart is still hesitant. I search for him in the night sky; I can never find him. One day.
[sister] Tiffany is my junior yet she is the one who holds her hand out to me, who supports me physically as I cross the brook, who tells me to be careful and watch out for thorns. She walks with grace and her words are full of wisdom. I am thankful to her and for her.
[mother] calls me and I have a five minute conversation with her. It is probably one of the longest conversations I’ve ever had with her and even though I struggle to spit out more words to make her stay on the phone, I am thankful for each passing second. She asks me to pray for my pa’s safety as he drives in the snow, with hesitation and timidity; I assure her I will. I insert the “I love you” at the end; it sounds casual but it is anything but.
[memories] of how she was the one person who noticed me when I desperately wanted to be noticed. That is when the sorrow hits; when I realize this is a person I don’t want any harm to come to; who is not deserving of what I did. She is precious to me but I treated her as anything but.
[intention] I call her before I can chicken out; the phone call is quite awkward and conversation is stilted but I hope that she felt loved. I am learning to love in different ways; to adapt to other people’s love languages. It’s difficult but I’m determined to learn.
[trio] I’ve already forgotten the melody but it was a beautiful one. Thank the Lord that He created music.
[am] night talks with Kristin makes my heart soar. We talk about many things; our testimonies, God moments, exotic Chinese foods, hardships and a myriad of other subjects that make me wonder how we can have so much to talk about in the early hours of the morning. She teaches me to love intentionally in the way that she unfailingly loves me.
[sleep] I was serious when I said I needed a week of sleep but nowhere did I believe the Lord would actually grant it to me. He did.
[brother] Even though my brother and I are close, I still feel a bit awkward when we pick him up for spring break. It is strange; absence always has a way of turning people into strangers for me, even if it is my beloved little brother. He is growing and changing and part of me fears that we will not always be close as we are now.
[full] of emotions when I look at the sky. It is the brightest I have ever seen the reservoir, fully lit up by the brilliance of the full moon. The restlessness, anxiety, and heartache subsides; peace settles. The reservoir is something I will sorely miss when I leave; it has become somewhat of a security blanket. Jesus meets me there.
[finches] spring is coming and that is something to praise the Lord for.