This week is going to involve a lot of prayer, head smacking, tantrum throwing, crying, quiet time, not sleeping (?), and Jesus. The only way I’m going to get through this is to rely on Christ.

This MISY project is runner up to “bane of my existence” second only to the CPA. Seriously, we should get paid for this. Also, all this professionalism in reporting, logs, meetings, etc, is so not necessary in my most humble (frustrated, angry, and tired) opinion.

Amidst all the hair pulling and table pounding, I am still able to half scoff/half laugh at the absurdity of it all. God, You’re too much sometimes. I can’t wait to see how You pull me out of this one. I know You will and I’m looking forward to it.

Vivian told me I have to deal with myself. After some reflection, I would sadly have to agree despite taking great offense initially to the comment. Thank goodness she has the wisdom and boldness to steer me the right direction; thank God she does so in a loving way.

My heart is not in the best place; my mind is in all sorts of places, my body is…actually doing fine at the moment but we’ll see how it holds up by the end of the week. I have pockets of bitterness and residual anger hiding in my heart; it’s time to root them out and give them over to God (in Old Testament style of burning and destroying, hah. Seriously, Old Testament is fascinating.)

I can’t wait to be free.

I’ve decided with quite a sudden burst of joy and determination in my heart that I’m going to fight for him. I’m going to fight for him; I’m not going to let him go; I want him. Even if I don’t know who he is; God has promised him to me and I’m ready for the trek.

Ahhh, Pastor Peter, I’m starting to get your sermon now. Like God promised Abraham the promised land without giving him GPS directions to the spot; without even specifically telling him where he was going; Abraham picked up his stuff and left just like that. Without knowing but with great faith; he is one I will aspire to be like.

But, His father and my Father; I will look to Him for direction; I will look to Him for His promises of deliverance, even when He doesn’t exactly tell me what they are.

See, I have delivered Jericho into your hands, along with its king and its fighting men.

[Joshua 6:2]

The interesting thing is God tells Joshua this before Jericho has fallen. Before any fighting has even occurred, before Joshua even made plans to go about invading Jericho. But, the Lord tells him, “See. I have delivered Jericho into your hands,” as if it has already happened.

What kind of faith did it take Joshua to see that come to pass before it even happened? What kind of faith did it take him to follow God’s strange command of marching around the city and blowing trumpets and shouting?

What kind of faith indeed. It was faith itself that allowed him to see.

[I want that faith]

[2 Corinthian 5:7] We live by faith, not by sight.