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I gave him up.

[He was part of that stubborn ten percent]

Foolishly still, I thought that my suffering would end. It did temporarily; I have found delight in the Lord’s command. Joy came in the morning; I am free.

But, it’s still there and part of me grins in delight and anticipation because I can now apply what I learned from Jim’s message yesterday.

We were not called to wallow in our own self pity and pain. We continue to fight and bring glory to the Lord. So I will rejoice (I am still learning how to, still even after I have said multiple times that I have finally learned how to) for I am suffering for righteousness’s sake. For Jesus’s sake, I will not give in to sadness or weariness. I will praise Him; I will serve Him. There are more important things to be done than to sit and stare and cry.

[clouds] there are still clouds in my head; it is getting better. I’m starting to feel more like myself but it’s difficult to tell because I don’t remember what I was like before this.

[weight] It is so hard to keep my eyes open but the Lord finds ways to wake me up and invigorate me to study. There is a pressure on my chest, in my head, and between my eyes. They cause me a good amount of physical distress but I trust the Lord to give me rest and healing when I need it.

[heart] I have become more attuned to His will and how He works. I am still disobedient to Him in many ways; I can feel it in the uncomfortable sinking of my heart when I don’t listen to Him. But, sometimes I do listen and find that obedience is costly but so, so worth it.

Lord, you can take everything. I don’t want it anymore. Take the world but give me Jesus. He is enough for me.

That is my prayer.

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