I really wonder what God has in store for me because all of it is going to be worth this.

I think God is not done with me yet. I think He’s planning to take everything away. I prayed for an all consuming fire to consume me, to purify me, to make me holy. I forgot that it will hurt but it doesn’t change my prayer. God is making good on His word. He’s taking everything away, one by one, until I have nothing left but Christ.

I don’t get why Thursdays in particular are hard. Actually I think I do but I didn’t think it would for that reason. I can’t be that sensitive, can I?

The pain is not any different nowadays but the way I receive it is different. I don’t try to run away. I don’t grit my teeth and wait for it to pass. I let it come and with the breaking of my heart, I turn to the Lord.

“Just how do I deal with the pain?” I asked the Lord, once.

You just do. It is temporary. I know this now.

He promises to take it all away.

Is it possible to feel broken and victorious at the same time? Part of me doesn’t think I’ll break. How could He break me when I have Jesus as my cornerstone?

But perhaps that is why He is slowly wearing me down, pointing out that, no in fact, He is not my cornerstone, yet. There are other things I place above God, other things I turn to before Him. He is humbling me, stripping me of my knowledge and arrogance.

I wonder how long it will take me to break. I wonder when my spirit will finally give up in total surrender.

That ten percent I always wondered about; what is it that I am not giving up to you, Lord? Now that you are taking it away, I know now.

It is way more than ten percent.