I really need to fix my sleep schedule because it’s not normal to feel wide awake at 3am in the morning.

There’s this story in the bible about a Syrophoenician woman. It’s one of my favorites.

[Then Jesus said to her, “Woman, you have great faith!” Matthew 15:28]

I’ve always been inclined to think that I won’t live very long (I don’t know where it comes from, call it a hunch but the feeling hits me time to time) and there are several times where I thought about dying; both before and after I came to Christ. Before, I thought about what I wanted others to think of me after I died.

[Ah, that girl lived a pitiful life. That girl lived a sad life. I feel bad for her. 真可怜]

I didn’t mind being pitied. In fact, I actually enjoyed it. I reveled in my brokenness and glorified it. It defined me. It was stupid, immature, useless, foolish of me.


After I die, I pray that people will think of me as a woman of great faith. And that they remember nothing but Christ in me.

I don’t quite know if I was seeking companionship today or not but God gifted it to me anyway.

[Elsie] is unplanned. She talks and I listen and it fills my soul. She tells me “baby Becca,” that she sees me as precious, that she wants to treasure me for as long as she can and it shocks and touches me at my very core.

Not often do I feel precious to people.

For once, I did not wonder as I usually do what makes a sane person like me so much. I did not question my worth. I did not question her sincerity. I just simply basked in the love she was pouring out on me.

I thank God so much for her and her faith (she is a woman of great faith, yes, indeed she is) and I aspire to have such a heart for God as she does.

Blessings upon blessings. I am thankful for companionship, cafes, chai, and Christmas.