Shalom

The Lord is rich in His blessings.

Leetle teedbits:

  • I can feel the little tiny vessels in my nose pop, break, open and tingle when the urge to cry hits me out of nowhere. Sometimes it’ll be from reading a text, other times when I see his name, and often times for no reason at all.
  • I now hand out “I love you”s like candy. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve said it to my mother. I’m getting better at saying it without my voice cracking.
  • Sleep is no longer something I desire, even though I desperately need it. God is something I cannot get enough of in my waking moments.
  • I’ve never enjoyed feeling needed (it has something to do with obligations and commitment and overall being selfish) but somewhere along my walk with Jesus, He has taught my heart to swell with heartache and love when a person comes to me with their burdens and heartbreaks.
  • People make my day when they want to take a picture with me. Maybe because I lived as a wallpaper flower for the majority of my life and it makes me marvel every time someone notices me and decides they want to remember me.
  • Pictures. Sifting through the myriad of photos I’ve accumulated over my time in college, I find it is surprisingly hard to choose the 101 free prints I want printed. I’m on photo 63 when the nostalgia and bittersweet hits me hard. I can’t help but already miss everyone and everything.
  • When she recognizes me and smiles and jumps out of her chair (clumsily and oh so cutely) to embrace me, I wonder when in the world did we ever become such good friends and what did I ever do to deserve her exuberant love for me.
  • When I receive the privilege of making Vivian’s day, I have to physically stop myself from doing a victory dance. So rarely am I given the chance to serve her instead of her serving me.
  • Trips to the reservoir and remembering Jia pointing at me across the room and saving me the embarrassment of finding an Emmaus Walk partner and her taking me and Jenny to the reservoir and us sharing our testimonies and the roughness in my voice as I mourned opening up (but desperately wanting to all the same). All three of us holding hands as we scampered down the hill as fast as we could, laughing and panicking because we had run out of time and being usual roxstars were late to arrive back at Memorial and I thought, “This is it. It can’t get any better than this,” but how God knew better and had so much more to give. They’re never going to understand the depths of their actions towards me that night and how it propelled me forwards into God’s embrace. I miss them so much.
  • Come Thou Fount by Kings Kaleidoscope.
  • When she cries and tells me, “I hope you never experience heartbreak,” I melt and cry all the same. I don’t know how to comfort her yet with these simple words, she has comforted me.
  • Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.
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