Sometimes, I think I look too deeply into things.
Why. Why. Why. Why is he in my class? Is God trying to tell me something? Am I supposed to approach him or stay away? Of course I should approach him. But, what then? Should I speak to him about the Gospel? Why? He’s surrounded by Christians. They should have got to him already. If nothing’s happened, then he must not have been interested. Should I be the light and salt of this earth and draw him towards Christ by doing so? What more could I possibly do that hasn’t already been attempted? I don’t know how. I’m not close to him in anyway. I don’t know him. I don’t know what’s bothering him or if he even needs anything. What am I supposed to do in 75 minutes of class time to show him that Jesus loves him? Am I just making up excuses to be around him? Oh please, no.
Ah. I must not have the best intentions at heart. Perhaps I am only taking advantage of this opportunity because I want to be his friend. Perhaps I am just reveling in the fact that I overcame my ridiculously overwhelming feelings for him. Perhaps I am so overjoyed at feeling nothing for him that I want to flaunt it and see how long it will last.
But, I cannot forget the first love. Everything comes from God and God is love. I can’t get to him unless I do so out of love for Jesus and him. I have to let love overfill me and pour onto him. I have to extend the comfort God has granted me to him. Pure selflessness. I can’t be thinking about me.
How? How? I’m the most selfish person on earth. I keep falling over and over again to temptation. I forget to call upon God. I try to do it on my own.
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
Oh God, I just want to be good to him. I don’t want him to feel unhappy, or lonely, or uncomfortable. I want him to know how loved and cared for he is. I want him to know Jesus and how much He’s done for him.
He has such a kind, gentle heart and I can’t bear for him to not know that that kindness and love is reciprocated by the almighty God of the universe.
Please, Lord, show him. Most probably it won’t come from me. I don’t care. Show him, no matter how long it takes, Lord, I know you will not forsake him.