Tender

My brother and I get along very well but there’s also many occasions (due to my short temper) where I’ll blow up at him and it will result in a childish spat. I became very angry with him yesterday when he was stomping on the ground upstairs and beating his hands against a table. He was going to wake up my mom and he was disturbing me from trying to memorize a list of german words. I blew up at him and he met my anger with surly incredulity, as if saying “Really? You’re going to act like this?” That just made me madder and I basically told him he was being insensitive to the other occupants in the house. He retorted that I had only to ask nicely and he’d stop.

Writing this now, I realized that this is exactly my behavior towards my ma. Every time she tells me to do something, she does so sharply and loudly and often times with anger. I am incredulous every single time because I feel that whatever I was doing really didn’t merit her screaming at me. When I’m angry myself, I’ll ground out for her to only ask me nicely, and I shall do as she asks.

So I’ve picked up this nasty habit from my ma but I’m determined to get rid of it. God calls for unity and harmonious relationships between family. When I shout, I feel better at the moment, but afterwards I fear people’s reactions. I feel guilty at times, and other times, even more angered. There’s a reason God does not promote discord. It only further upsets people and does nothing to right things.

I woke up today, still half asleep. I was about to move but I felt someone pulling my covers, which had previously fallen off my body, up to my shoulders. I stayed still, confused as to whether it was my brother or my grandma. I could understand my grandma; she does motherly stuff like that, but my brother? It never struck me that he would see that my covers had fallen and do something about it. I listened for a door closing, but there was no other sound except the shuffling next to me. So it was my brother.

It’s not that I doubt my brother’s capability to do kind things. He’s even more prone to generous and kind acts than I am. I know my brother has my back at all times, but the only vice I have with him is that he often doesn’t realize that I need something. His action reminded me of my mother’s, two years ago when she straightened my blankets while I was supposedly asleep and touched my cheek in a gesture of affection. I was blown away that time, too.

Their actions remind me that I am surrounded my good family. No matter how coarse and oblivious they may be, they are there for me and I’ll always be there for them.

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